People are imperfect. We do what we want but we feel sorry in the end. We can see the situation but we can’t look on it. We can hear the supplication but we never listen on it. We touch the love but we never feel it. We have everything but we can’t value all of that. We keep on wanting for more. People are like these. If there’s a way to go back and to change all of these, I will.
Time Machine is one way to change all. If Albert Einstein had invented this, maybe people are happy and satisfied. Maybe we are not miserable in finding answers. Maybe the word “regret” is unidentified. Maybe my life is more than a life…
A long time ago, my mama and papa rushed me in the Hospital. I had symptoms of “Dengue”, and they found that my situation is in between of life and death. Fortunately, the Hospital had good Doctors and the prayers of my family saved me from death. But after months, they rushed me again in the Hospital. Again I must fight the death. After a long month of medications, I survived. But after that, I felt no more. I just want to remain silent. I don’t like to talk. In this point my “attitude” begins to develop… a poor attitude.
I’m alone and lonely. I have nobody. I don’t have friends that I may call on in my lost and weak. I’m angry, my mind occupied by jealousy and I can’t find the way out of the dark. People keep on saying that I had Stigmatized disease before. That’s the start of my selfishness.
I eat alone. I read alone. I sleep alone. I entertain myself alone. Yes, it’s crazy but that’s the reality hits me a lot. I’m too young to think rational and I don’t even know the word rational that time. Too young to understand things. Too young to know more.
Years passed fast. They call it College life.
I understand more, and the rational things too.Friends are rare but atleast I have one or two.
I open my eyes together with my mind and heart. I laugh, I smile, I did crazy things, I did serious things, and I did challenging roles. But I thought that was enough. My mind saying that “you are not good enough”; “you are nothing compare to other”. People say that don’t compare yourself to others because you have your own way, oh! Come on! Even the best person compares himself to others.
I am not a happy person. You think you know me? No, you don’t know me unless you are with me in years. You hate me, ok; I respect you as a person. You don’t like me, fine; I don’t even give a damn to like you too. Don’t push the things that are not capable to move.
You see me as a wicked member of your group, that’s me. I can’t agree with your sentiment if you can’t explain your own. I can argue all night if you want to. If you feel bad of what I did to you, I didn’t mean it, I’m just angry and I want to yell as a response. You see me as intimidating; it’s my way to guard myself, because I don’t trust people easily. You see me alone in Hallway, because I like to be alone, it is more comfortable. I love to talk myself and to think deep. You see me as a competitive person, yes, because I want to give honor to my Family. I love them so much, and I owe them my life.
But… I want to change this. If I could turn back the time I will change my ATTITUDE at the very beginning. Maybe if I change my attitude as early as I can, I have a lot of Friends. Maybe people will go easy on me. Maybe I can have a genuine smile to share. Maybe I’m not alone in Hallway. Maybe I will not talk to myself every time. But time machine is just a product of imagination. We can’t invent that kind of Science because only God knows best for us.
I remember what Raju Rastogi said to Job interviewers: “You keep your job, I keep my attitude.” And the interviewer responded: “I’ve interviewed countless candidates for 25 years; everyone turns into a yes-man to get the job”. Many of us will just say “yes sir”, “I will sir” just to have a job or to keep the job, but is that really you? Think about that. You don’t need to please your boss and other people.
After watching that movie I said to myself that, “do I need to change my attitude just to please everyone? Do I need to change my attitude just to have friends? Or I MUST need to change because it’s the best thing I can do to myself; to free myself, to free myself from all worries, to free myself from envy, to free myself from angry.”
I know it’s not too late to change my attitude, and I will. People’s changing, I am too. And if that time comes, I will say to myself that: “you don’t need the time machine to change, look at you now, you are a better person and you should be proud of yourself”.
As you read this, I hope you can understand me more.
Change for the better!